I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
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I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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