Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
