I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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