Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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