We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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