i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
