she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
