yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
