I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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