i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize