We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
