Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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