I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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