I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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