It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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