sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
