I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
