You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
