Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
