A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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