I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
