I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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