She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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