your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
