when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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