You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
