it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
