Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
