We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
