ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
