you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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