I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
