Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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