Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
