I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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