Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
