Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
