is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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