i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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