Sponge bath it is.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
