Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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