well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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