that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
