Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize