There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
