JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
