Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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