Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize