i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
