I need help removing her.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
