cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
