Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
