is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
