Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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