'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
