I showed him my bush... on skype.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
