So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
ok first of all what the fuck
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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