oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
