I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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