Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
