i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
