i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
