Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
