Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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