How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
